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Spencer D.W.'s avatar

sick story and I mean that in both ways haha. I saw you said it started out as a gross out story and I am really glad it evolved to more. While I love the gross and goopy I need a purpose for that goop. That being said, my biggest criticism is build up. I'd you ever sit down and revise this, spend just a smidge more time at the beginning. It would be dope to see him maybe making some coffee, doing a couple normal routines as maybe he thinks about the excitement for today. like he has a big interview or something.

And once the gore starts having a few more moments in his head, maybe little hints of their first meeting/what led here kinda thing.

I love what you go though and enjoyed it! and that is coming from someone who doesn't exactly like ghost centered stories. You managed to subvert that. Very good! and I still have some of your other stuff in my to be read list, I'm excited to dive into that! I couldn't make this one wait seeing how you said it was inspired by me and a much better writer than myself and that is just incredibly nice and will not get used to people saying I inspire them at all haha.

keep on keepin on homie!

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Drew Valdez's avatar

I love the advice! Thank you. I’m still relatively new to writing (January 2025) and I think pacing and prose are the two areas where I struggle conceptually, but I do think I can see a steady incline of improvement with every story.

I love critiques so when you read the other stories from that save list, please feel free to gift me some advice! It’s the only way to get better.

When I wrote the story my idea was to give you a snapshot of scene involving Tabor and Eve. I purposely left him nameless in the beginning to try and up the mystery and then Detective Alvarez was my big closer. He is the Protagonist for a planned Novel titled Wattowurldd, where he investigates a global kill cult that is uploading videos to the site and “trapping souls”. We also learn more about the site itself and its dark history with the occult.

If the snapshot idea translated is up to you and the other reader, but I agree. Maybe a few more activities to humanize him could have upped the impact and made him relatable.

If you’re interested in subscribing I do send out monthly newsletters with information about upcoming projects and the Easter eggs surrounding the universe. If you want to share one of your stories in a comment I’d love to read it!

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Edward.Marlo.Ruiz's avatar

I will NOT ACCEPT THIS SLANDER AGAINST MY NAME! YOUR HORROR KILLS

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EJ Trask's avatar

you really did something with this. there were parts I was afraid to read, and what’s horror if not that?! I loved the end especially, allowing the story to continue like that was very satisfying.

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Drew Valdez's avatar

Thank you!!!! This means a ton coming from you. Side note, I’m super stoked for BLOOD IN THE YOLK. Hitchcock’s Birds is an all time favorite and when I found out you guys were putting that out, I just so happened to be working on a story called GEESE. Thank you so much for the compliment and I hope I have the opportunity to churn your stomach with some fiction in the future!

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EJ Trask's avatar

🤯 can’t wait to read geese!

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WS Ribelin's avatar

Also, to kind of foreshadow or whatever that he’s killed his family, maybe he could kick the baby’s shoe out of the way or something like that.

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Drew Valdez's avatar

OOOOOH! This is gold!

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WS Ribelin's avatar

Meat suit makes me expect 😳🤯😱🤢🥴

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Drew Valdez's avatar

So fun fact! When I was in middle school there was a website called Rotten.com

They had a bunch of snuff clips and they always had titles like “funkytown” or “watchoutbelow”

So I thought birthday meat suit sounded like a fun file name and it opens up Wattowurldd and all the lore I’m trying to create with that project. I’m debating using Detective Alvarez as a serial character and maybe releasing some shorts before jumping into that novel.

I definitely have an idea problem, along with a need more hours in the day problem.

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WS Ribelin's avatar

It was gross, but not extreme horror gross. I think you can go further with more detail—yeah, I’m a sicko. Like, more description with his hand (make the reader squirm) and especially when he’s below the waist. I am interested in knowing more of the story.

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Drew Valdez's avatar

I can absolutely make that happen!!! I’m releasing chapter one of Grampy Bone after I get my story for the publisher done. Let’s just say the Wharton County Butcher is not a licensed OBGYN!!!

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Edward.Marlo.Ruiz's avatar

Man this is fn horrid lol

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Drew Valdez's avatar

I’m glad you finished! I definitely had to wash my hands after writing this but I won’t lie it was fun. Next I’m tackling the kerfuffle then I need you to chill on the prompts so I can finish writing my book 😂

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Edward.Marlo.Ruiz's avatar

Oh I LEFT MORE THOUGHTS

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Edward.Marlo.Ruiz's avatar

Oh no oh no

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Drew Valdez's avatar

YOU’RE ALMOST THERE!!!!

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William Pauley III's avatar

Man oh man, this really takes me back to my bizarro years! We were a small group of writers constantly trying to gross each other out and out-weird one another through our stories. It was a fun time! Nearly all of those writers have since disappeared—where? I don't know. But they don't seem to be writing anymore. Anyway, this was gross but still a weirdly fun and compelling read! The energy you're projecting even reminds me of my own when I was in my early 20s. Excited to see what you do next. 👏

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Drew Valdez's avatar

You bringing up bizarro made my day. I hope we can get something like that going again!

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Spencer D.W.'s avatar

Well you are doing great homie! keep it up. and your right! always strive for critism it will only help!

that snapshot idea does make sense. I dig it! and the normal activities are less to humanize him, more to get the reader to become complacent. to think "Oh this is just a normal dude when does the switch shit start?" then it starts and it starts hard haha.

Oh I subbed a bit ago! you like the same stuff I do.

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Drew Valdez's avatar

I see what you’re saying!!!!! Like taking them on a fun evening stroll, knowing in a few moments you’re feeding them to the monster.

I love it. Thank you! The journey has been an absolute blast. I have a couple more stories planned for the beginning of May! I have a lingering submission that I really need to get done but unfortunately I’m a huge fan of procrastination 😂

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Jared Lambert's avatar

Graphic enough, I had to tap out. In extreme horror, I think that means you win.

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Artemis's avatar

This was sick, but it was also a piece that was steeped in adrenaline and horror all the way through. I definitely wanted to stop reading at parts, but you described everything in a way that made me unable to look away. Great writing!

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Edward.Marlo.Ruiz's avatar

Oh also, thank you so much for mentioning me. Crazy to think I inspired this. 🙏❤️‍🔥

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Edward.Marlo.Ruiz's avatar

Oh yeah this was some nasty SHIT. Probably the only story that’s made me want to look away, hoping I could just hear it the rest of the way through. Very well fucking done. The butterfly shrimp line was gnarly as fuck. But the part that got me was the intestine part. I fn hate gut-play. It flowed very well man and I think it plays on themes of self harm too. I agree with Spencer about build up. Expanding on the beginning would help us get into the mind frame more and even mention that of the family. If I read things correctly.

Overall though I’m so thankful that I could inspire a piece of mug like this. This is brilliant body horror man.

Counter point to myself because I ramble, I do enjoy when we can fill in the gaps of his mind too so, it’s not a hindrance that it’s not longer or more expansive.

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Edward.Marlo.Ruiz's avatar

OH SHIT

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Edward.Marlo.Ruiz's avatar

Oooooo.

Ewwwwww.

Wait a minute castration????

(Not done yet)

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Apr 29
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Drew Valdez's avatar

I’m glad you enjoyed it and I appreciate the subscription! If you liked this one, I have another one titled MUPPETS BLEED TOO that’s pretty fun. Definitely not as hardcore as this one but it’s a quick and fun read.

TEXAS IN THE HOUSE! Where are you from? (By the way it’s the internet so if you’re not comfortable answering that it’s totally fine). I’m in the Conroe area a little north of Houston.

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Apr 29
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Drew Valdez's avatar

Lmao!!! Oh chip and Joanna. Magnolia royalty. I’m not a huge fan either or really a fan at all. I like it out here honestly. You’re still close to The Woodlands and Houston, plus Conroe has pretty much everything you need and the downtown is pretty slick.

Plus we have 2nd and Charles which is like a wannabe Hastings, so that’s where I get most of my books

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