15 Comments
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Nick Winney's avatar

really impressed with the work you put into the sitcom back story and the haunts appearing like static tv images is a very cool touch but... to me...it felt slightly like a rush to the finish if you dont mind me saying? did u have a word limit in mind? there was a STACK of scope in this idea and the characters, but sadly Aaron bought it and they can't have more adventures!

gripping all the way but i wanted it longer (so to speak) 😎

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Drew Valdez's avatar

I’m glad you liked it!

Also you never have to ask me if I’m okay with you leaving a comment or critique. The answer is always yes! I appreciate the advice and knowledge, especially considering your level of talent and the fact that you have more experience than me (which I’ve conned you into giving me this invaluable knowledge for free!!!!).

No word limits, EJ and I just discussed the prompt and release date, however, in my inexperience as an author I stretched myself thin with paid projects. That led to some time constraints. I do think there is enough meat here for more, or even a novella. I think between exploring Keith and Aaron’s backstory and the history of Baker’s Dozen, it could hit 25,000 to 30,000 words without an issue. A full length (70,000 words) I think would need some more depth. I debated doing a flashback from Sullivan’s perspective but didn’t feel there was enough time to perfect it and it felt half done.

I do like to flip the question, especially since it’s such a good one! If this was your story, what path would you have taken? If it’s too much to type you can always message me, but if you want to leave it in a comment for others to see I’m totally okay with it.

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Pages After Dark's avatar

This was really good!

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Drew Valdez's avatar

Thank you!

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Keith Long's avatar

Excellent all around

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Drew Valdez's avatar

Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it. This one was a blast to write.

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Sana's avatar

Ahh, this is so good!! 🙌

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Drew Valdez's avatar

Thank you!

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William Pauley III's avatar

Creepy as fuck. Nailed that ending, too. Loved it! Off to read EJ's now...

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Drew Valdez's avatar

I aim to Please!!!!

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EJ Trask's avatar

damn Drew this was so good. your world building is amazing and you turned the creepiness to 11

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Drew Valdez's avatar

Thank you! Again, I really appreciate you jumping in on this prompt with me. It was a blast!

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✨🖤morningstar🖤✨'s avatar

heartbreaking, gory, complex. i loved this!

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Edward.Marlo.Ruiz's avatar

Super eery dude. Aaron’s death was gruesome as fuck. Loved it. I really like the sense of freedom at the end. Dope work!

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Artemis's avatar

This is the kind of horror I love. You built an entire world for the Baker’s Dozen, which was so unsettling, and an entire relationship, which was so tragic, in such little time. My heart broke for Keith and Aaron.

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